Signs You Drink too Much Coffee

Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee - You answer the door before people knock. - Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. - You ski uphill. - You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. - You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. - You lick your coffeepot clean. - You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there. - Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. - You chew on other people's fingernails. - Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend." - You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet. - You can jump-start your car without cables. - Cocaine is a downer. - You don't need a hammer to pound nails. - Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low." - You don't sweat, you percolate. - You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel. - You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug. - You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. - You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in. - You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them. - Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down. - You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. - People get dizzy just watching you. - You've worn the finish off your coffee table. - The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you. - Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. - Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp. - Instant coffee takes too long. - When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop." - You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can. - Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil. - You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer. - You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. - You can thread a sewing machine while it's running. - You can outlast the Energizer bunny. - You short out motion detectors. - You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore. - Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale. - You think being called a "drip" is a compliment. - You don't tan, you roast. - You can't even remember your second cup. - You help your dog chase its tail.