12 June 2009

Meloncholy Moments

June 12, 2009

I remember this day , June 12th like it was yesterday.

Four years ago in 2005, I was enjoying a sunny summer afternoon. My Sister in law and niece had come over for a visit. It was the first time I had been able to get her into our pool to attempt to swim. She was doing it! Swimming..kicking and paddling!

Then the phone rang. I stepped out of the pool to answer it. It was my sister. I remember walking up and down the driveway listening to her give me the news I was not prepared for. I collapsed in the driveway to my knees. I couldn't focus. I couldn't believe what she was saying.

Our Dad had passed away.

He was living with her while Hospice cared for him. He was surrounded by family all the time. His grandkids kept him company through the day. And now he was gone.

Suddenly, I couldn't move. I sat in the driveway unable to think or feel anything. My sister in law told me to go get changed while she called my boyfriend to come home. I barely remember any of it.

I had asked my sister to make sure that the coroner did not take my Dad before I arrived. I wanted to see him. I wanted to hold him. I wanted to say goodbye.

I remember he looked so peaceful lying there in his bed. No more pain. No more suffering. No more. I laid my head on his chest and wept. We had spoke often in the month before he passed. We had resolved our differences. We were alright.

Four years later, it still hurts. This day will always hurt. But with the hurt, comes peace. I know that he is doing well now. I owe it to him to be brave and to carry on. He wouldn't want me to mourn. the only thing he ever wanted for me was to be happy. And I am.

I miss him more than he will ever know. I miss his laugh. I miss his soft spoken nature.

I live my life to honor his memory by being strong with my own conditions, by laughing as often as I can and by never giving up. Until we meet again.....

Thanks for stopping by and remember to hug your Dad today!